Keep moving forward one small step at a time.
Last Wednesday night I got word that a friend, who is so much more than a friend – he is family, passed away suddenly. Grief overtook me as the shock of the news settled into my being. My thoughts wandered from personal memories of him, the thoughtful ways he would ask each member of my family meaningful questions, the running joke that he would bring fried chicken to every gathering, to the sea of people who are experiencing the same grief I am with the loss of this good man. As the hours passed by and night became morning, I found myself feeling frozen in time. So many emotions running through me and so many thoughts.
The truth is this has been the hardest year of my entire life. Between living through a pandemic, leading an organization while doing so, the state of the world currently, the person I love most going through a brain tumor, navigating raising our two teenage girls who have my heart in a broken world, and just plain old ordinary life…. It’s been rough. I find myself wishing I could rewind time and go backwards to before all of the HARD, to when life seemed simple and easy.
The passing of my friend feels like a tipping point, but into what I am not certain. I just know that we can’t go backwards, I can’t go backwards. The sun has set on yesterday and all of the decisions, uncertainties, wishes, wants, should haves, regrets and even the simple and easy lay there with it. All I can do is take the next step to move forward. That step may be tiny, it may seem like it’s heading nowhere, but at least it’s not standing still. While I can’t go backwards, I certainly can look back and allow what I see to shape and mold my steps forward. This tipping point I pray is one that makes the path before me straighter, clearer, and breeds confidence to live life in a big way…whatever that means. So, I will continue to walk forward. At this point it feels more like a slow creep but at least it’s forward.
I am trusting God with every single little movement that he is in it; he will continue to meet me there among the wrestle, struggle and pain. He will turn ashes into beauty in such a way that people will know him through every bit of it. I don’t know how he does it and I often wonder why it seems more often than not that it takes pain for him to be seen and known. These are the mysteries I may never understand about God but even in my lack of understanding I can still trust him because he has proven to me to be trustworthy.
What are you walking through in your life where you wish you could go backwards?
Do you find yourself sitting still among the wrestle, the struggle the pain feeling stagnant or frozen?
My prayer for you is that you would use what energy you have to put your hope in God and take that one little next step forward knowing that God is with you, he will not leave you or forsake you. That step may even be a step towards God, asking him to give you the energy to keep moving forward when you lack it in and of yourself. Don’t let the pain of life stop you from walking into the continued fullness of God for you. This isn’t the stopping point it is just part of the journey.
There is more ahead and it includes Jesus being made known through this hard moment if you will let him.
Because at the end of the day, eternity matters more than anything else, people knowing Jesus matters more than anything else and you get to be a part of that incredible mission on this earth. So, keep moving, that’s what I am doing… one slow creep forward at a time until the days of running again meet my feet and I can pick up the pace.
Author, Carrie Williams
Founder and CEO, The Truth Republic